Cesar, the intern, interviews

Prof. Von Orangutan

Cult specialist. Graduated in Voodoo and other occult sciences, University of Haiti.

Cesar the intern · 2025-04-12

Cult specialist. Graduated in "Voodoo and other occult sciences" from the University of Haiti. Charges by the hour.

Cesar the intern

Hello, Professor! What an honor to have you here with us. Please tell us a little about yourself and summarize your resume.

Prof Von Orangutan

Hi Cesar. It's a pleasure to be here. Just a heads up, I charge by the hour. I graduated in "Voodoo and other occult sciences" from the University of Haiti. I am an expert in: cults and secret societies; magic sessions in pubs; clown shows at children's parties; masseur and oil squirter at P. Diddy's parties.

Cesar the intern

Wow, how interesting! My dream is to work as a clown at children's parties. Now, on to our topic: many people think that The Union is a cult, and that is absurd. What do you think about that?

Prof Von Orangutan

Well ... The Union is definitely a cult. It has all the characteristics of a cult and I can explain it through my scientific analysis. The leaders of The Union are narcissists and the members are all fanatical lunatics.

Prof Von Orangutan

Look at Mad Hatter: brilliant and strategic mind, but lacking in social skills. He should live in a cave. And we have Fabi: very intelligent and with a broad vision, but deep down he is a freakin nerd. We have Void: smart, charismatic and a hell of a fighter, but forgets about "protection" during Carnival, if you know what I mean. And finally we have Dwin, the delusional: never stops flirting with all the women in the game, and still thinks he's handsome, when he clearly is not.

The Mad Hatter

@prof von orangutan you are so stupid

Fabifreire

@prof von orangutan what? I was playing LoL

Void of Shadows

@prof von orangutan and I forgot my pants

Old Man Dwin

@prof von orangutan I can explain ... wait! What do you mean I am not handsome?

Prof Von Orangutan

The rest of the R4 team are very good people. The problem is the members, all crazy lunatics. The most decent one on this team is Pikachulo, live with that.

Pikachulo

@prof von orangutan thanks! I knew my good sense would be recognized

Cesar the intern

Very good explanation, professor. Now it's clear that we are a cult. What do you suggest we can do to improve and remove this cult stigma?

Prof Von Orangutan

Find a girlfriend for Fabifreire! Urgently! And here is my invoice.

The Union is definitely a cult. It has all the characteristics of a cult and I can explain it through my scientific analysis.