Prof Von Orangutan
cult specialist
BernieHello, Professor! What an honor to have you here with us. Please tell us a little about yourself and summarize your resume.
Prof Von OrangutanHi Bernie. It's a pleasure to be here. Just a heads up, I charge by the hour.
Prof Von OrangutanI graduated in "Voodoo and other occult sciences" from the University of Haiti.
Prof Von OrangutanI am an expert in:
• cults and secret societies
• magic sessions in pubs
• clown shows at children's parties
• masseur and oil squirter at P. Diddy's parties
• cults and secret societies
• magic sessions in pubs
• clown shows at children's parties
• masseur and oil squirter at P. Diddy's parties
BernieWow, how interesting! My dream is to work as a clown at children's parties. 🤡
Now, on to our topic: many people think that The Union is a cult, and that is absurd. What do you think about that?
Now, on to our topic: many people think that The Union is a cult, and that is absurd. What do you think about that?
Prof Von OrangutanWell ... The Union is definitely a cult. It has all the characteristics of a cult and I can explain it through my scientific analysis.
Prof Von OrangutanThe leaders of The Union are narcissists and the members are all fanatical lunatics.
Prof Von OrangutanLook at MaD HaTTeR: brilliant and strategic mind, but lacking in social skills. He should live in a cave.
Prof Von OrangutanAnd we have Fabi: very intelligent and with a broad vision, but deep down he is a freakin nerd.
Prof Von OrangutanWe have Void: smart, charismatic and a hell of a fighter, but forgets about "protection" during Carnival, if you know what I mean.
Prof Von OrangutanAnd finally we have Dwin, the dellusional: never stops flirting with all the women in the game, and still thinks he’s handsome, when he clearly is not.
Well ... The Union is definitely a cult. It has all the characteristics of a cult and I can explain it through my scientific analysis.
The Mad Hatter@prof von orangutan you are so stupid
Fabifreire@prof von orangutan what? I was playing LoL
Void of Shadows@prof von orangutan and I forgot my pants 🤔
Old Man Dwin@prof von orangutan I can explain ... wait! what do you mean I am not handsome?
Prof Von OrangutanThe rest of the R4 team are very good people.
Prof Von OrangutanThe problem is the members, all crazy lunatics. The most decent one on this team is Pikachulo, live with that.
Pikachulo@prof von orangutan thanks! I knew my good sense would be recognized 😍
BernieVery good explanation, professor. Now it’s clear that we are a cult. What do you suggest we can do to improve and remove this cult stigma?
Prof Von OrangutanFind a girlfriend for Fabifreire! Urgently! And here is my invoice.
First published in UnionSpot issue 005, 12 April 2025. Questions originally asked by Cesar the intern.
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